Premier League Predictions

Predictions up here!

KRS

Island

Capo 3rd fret

Chorus: 

A7                E               

Going down, going down

A7                E             

Going deeper down

A7                                    E                        

And when you're down and you're down

A7                         E  

Going deeper and down

Verse 1:

D6                                                     

She's my girl and I'm her guy

D6                                                    

Maybe one day, we'll get by

D6                                                                  

My biggest problem, she said with a sigh

D6                                                       

I'm far too lazy and I never try

Chorus

Verse 2:

On this island I went to get away

Peace and quiet all night and day

Words unspoken, there's nothing to say

We'll be happy, try as we may.

Chorus

Verse 3:

The sun is shining, no sign of rain

In a desert on a horse with no name

I am crazy but you are insane

Together we'll ride off and finish the game

Chorus

Verse 4:

Hard to laugh when you're sad

I don't remember it being this bad

Always sorry for making you mad

Still the most fun I ever had.

Chorus

Chorus 2:

Falling down, down, down.

Fallen so far down

And when you're around

I just fall deeper and down

TNA In Panic Mode: A Look At The Names Released In 2013

2013 has seen some of the biggest roster changes in TNA Wrestling history, with a plethora of in-ring talent being recently let go by the company. Some have been released by the company and others have requested their release. I and fellow tnanews.com writers Elto Alexandrov and Jason Franklin assess the roster cuts and analyze whether each release was the right or wrong choice.

Hellraiser: Hellworld

Hellraiser: Hellworld (Hellraiser 8) is a pretty bad film. Straight to DVD and filmed back to back with Hellraiser: Deader (Fucking Deader? Seriously? It’s numero seven in the franchise) are the best signs this was going to blow more than Tara Reid’s average Friday. However, there is some positive signs, good reasons for why I jumped from Hellraiser 3 to 8:

1.        The tagline is “Evil Goes Online”. A Hellraiser film revolving around a video game? I’m in.

2.       Lance Freakin’ Henriksen. I’m doubly in.

3.       Last film to star Doug Bradley before he said “Fuck it, I can do better.”

4.       Five million dollar budget, that’s five times more than the original.

But alas, against all odds, it turned out utter shit. Want a plot summary? Well tough, because there is none. I’m just going to jump in headfirst, like Tara Reid selecting movie roles, into my biggest fudging problem.

THEY DON’T FRICKEN GO ONLINE.

Come the fuck on, don’t advertise it and not show it. That’s like Jason X not being in space (or Manhattan) or Jaws 3D with no sharks or 3D, it’d just be a SeaWorld commercial. It’d be like seeing an American Pie film without Tara Reid, the franchise just falls apart. I’m flabbergasted. They do kinda-sorta-almost show the game near the start but it’s just a fuckin’ flash point and click game. The kids act like it’s as addicting as crack or World of Warcraft but no, McDonald’s have more advanced games on their Happy Meals for Moses sake. FIVE MILLION DOLLARS. Somebody could of mocked up all the “in-game” footage for a couple grand, sure it’d look like shit, but compared to this, it’d be Half-Life 3 (This joke will be dated once HL3 comes out in 2021)

This was all I asked for. 

The cast vary from absolute awfulness to “Well, at least they are having fun.” Ol’Lance falls into the latter. I mean the guy doesn’t chew the scenery so much as swallow it whole, he devours anyone else’s screen presence and absorbs their souls too I guess. He actually turned down the role of Frank in the first film and a competent writer would have written Lance’s character to be more like Frank and less like Jigsaw from Saw. This film actually does have a lot of Saw vibes, practically being a poorer yet more expensive rip-off. That’s like if Snakes on a Train had a bigger budget than Snakes on a Plane AND had Lance Henriksen.

One thing though, Henry Cavill is in this. Yup, Supes himself. Want to take a guess how well he performs? Correct, utter shit. Didn’t even know he was in this until I saw his gormless mug on my screen. Boy when they re-release this (Blu-Ray, 16 disc special edition) they will plaster his name all of it, probably bill him higher than Doug Bradley too.

Here he is showcasing his full emotional range.

The ending is pretty neat tho’, after a dumbass plot-hole inducing twist where Pinhead was just a hallucination because the kids had been drugged by Lance because his son died playing the game with them and they didn’t save him or some wank. In the last scenes Lance solves the puzzle box and Pinhead, Chatterer and a new (Maybe not, might of missed out his crucial introduction in parts 4-7) Cenobite appear for realsies and its suddenly like the first film again, with Lance about to be the new Frank. Then boom, end of film and credits.  Fuck you Hellworld. Don’t make me sit through an hour and fifteen minutes of garbage then tack five minutes of awesome at the end. I wouldn’t watch the Good, the Bad & the Ugly if I had to wade through a river of shit to get to the standoff.

I will give it the movie some credit though, while the sets and locations are gloriously clichéd, the gore effects are actually alright. Not as original and creative as the first instalment but definitely of Saw quality. Bradley still looks good as Pinhead, so that’s a relief, was expecting Anthony Hopkins in Red Dragon but got Stallone in Rocky Balboa instead. Make up and costumes still look great for the cenobites also.

"Woah, you alright bra?"

I don’t know what else to say, I assume you aren’t all rushing out to buy it. I gotta say, I don’t hate this movie, it’s actually pretty funny and at least it conjured a few laughs out of me. That’s 100% more entertainment than the third movie right there. Still, it’s a shit film and probably for completists only. Unless you get an erection for mid-2000’s Saw knockoffs, then you are in for a treat.

21/100 “Still bitter about the lack of a Hellraiser MMORPG”

PS. Love you Tara.

The Girl In The Sky

There is a girl in the sky and her golden hair hangs over her delicate face

There is a boy on the ground and he cranes his neck up to admire the girl

“Come down!” He pleads but the girl shakes her head reluctantly.

“It’s too far below, I will plunge to my death”

 “But I’ll catch you and never drop you” He cried out in desperation.

The girl in the sky shakes her head again.

“I have a plan!” The boy leaped in delight “Follow me, this way!”

The boy dressed in rags, stitched with barbed wire, sprints a head.

The girl dressed in white, lace made from clouds, runs through the air after him.

There is a woman in the sea and her eyes darken the waters

“Can my girl fall down and land safely in your waves?” asked the boy excitedly.

“I’m afraid not, there is nothing safe about the ocean and she will crash and drown”

Undeterred, the boy races through the trees with his girl overhead.

There is a man in the mountains and he watches over the land

“Can my girl climb down your mountain safely from the skies?” cried out the boy

The man yelled down. “Never, you can climb the mountain but never descend from it.”

The boy, defeated, sits. The girl, devastated, cries.

If the boy couldn’t get his girl on the ground, he would reunite with her in sky he decided.

With a deep breath, he takes flight and scrambles towards the girl, who tears are wiped away by the overpowering smile and the broken boy and the beautiful girl embrace in a lovers tangle.

There is a boy in the sky and he admires his girl’s golden hair and delicate face.

If You Go (Don't Be Slow)

Capo 4th fret

A song for Syd Barrett

Chorus:

G          D            

If you go (if you go)

Em  

Don't be slow

Verse 1:

C          

Shining on ain't easy

   E                  

When you are full of dust

C        

Emily makes it look breezy

Em             

But your mind turns to rust

Chorus

Verse 2:

Sweep your sanity off the floor

The madcap laughs as he cries

Oh mother tell me more

And into space we will fly

Chorus

Verse 3:

Have you got it yet?

The scarecrow barks at the moon

It's like we've never even met

And it's all over too soon

Chorus x3

Burn In Hell

Capo third fret

Chorus:

Am                            C

 Gods coming to cut you down

Am                                C

Gods coming and gonna cut you down

       Am                                         Em                   

Can't pray for your soul when you're underground

Verse 1:

Edim/F#                               Em                  

I woke one morning with Judas in my room

Edim/F#                               Em            

He told me this place will become my tomb

Edim/F#                               Em            

I turned to see Luke and he began to cry

Edim/F#                               Em            

Screaming out loud I don't want to die

Edim/F#                               Em            

My friends all gather to watch where I fell

Edim/F#                               Em            

Writhing in agony as I burn in hell

Chorus

Verse 2:

Isaac proclaimed "He will laugh"

I replied "Not after Abrams wrath"

Adam told me I reminded him of Cain

Destined to spend eternity in pain

My friends all gather to watch where I fell

Writhing in agony as I burn in hell

Chorus

Verse 3:

I always thought Seth had the saddest fable

Existing only as a replacement for Abel
"I know that my redeemer livers " declared Job

But if I was him I would of questioned God

My friends all gather to watch where I fell

Writhing in agony as I burn in hell

Chorus

Verse 4:

Before me appeared the righteous Lot

The loss of his wife he quickly forgot

Noah threatened to curse me like Ham

I said it takes more from a drunk of a man

My friends all gather to watch where I fell

Writhing in agony as I burn in hell

Chorus

Verse 5: 

The deceptive Jacob and his heavenly ladder

His feud with Esaw only makes him sadder

Lilith cried out to be my wife

My only sacrifice was my own life

My friends all gather to watch where I fell

Writhing in agony as I burn in hell

Chorus

Verse 6:

The angel of death said my time had come

With nowhere to hide and nowhere to run

I pleaded with him for another chance

He said this waltz was my final dance

My friends all gather to watch where I fell

Writhing in agony as I burn in hell

  

Oh Daughter

Capo 2nd fret

 

Am                     C                       

Oh Daughter, Oh Daughter

      D                        Em                          

What happened to our time?

Am                  C                    

Oh Daughter, Oh Daughter

D                   Em                

You're never off my mind

 

No man, No man.

Will ever love you right

No man, No man

Can take you from my sight

 

Oh Daughter, Oh Daughter

Oh Daughter of mine

Oh Daughter, Oh Daughter

Oh Daughter of mine.

 

(harmonica solo)

 

Oh Daughter, Oh Daughter

What happened to our time?

Oh Daughter, Oh Daughter

You're never off my mind