Wednesday 27 March 2013

The Spectre of Defeat: Living in the Past


The Spectre of Defeat

1. "Living in the Past"

The illuminating numerals and distinctive ring that awakes the modern man, is a revolting sight for anyone to awake to. James Bond hated alarm-clocks, in fact he hated almost all gadgets designed for convenience. He thought they ground down the human instinct and corroded the spirits alacrity and reaction. For these reasons, Bond awoke on all mornings, naturally, at 5.55 AM. It was a meaningless race against the machine in which Bond had never been bested.

Royal Navy Commander James Bond, CMG, RNVR of Her Majesty's Secret Service was in his mid-thirties, just over six feet tall and slimly built. A three-inch vertical scar on his right cheek should be the prominent feature on his face, but instead the cold grey-blues eyes that bored through your skull were always the most memorable aspect.
His usual morning routine consisted twenty push-ups, twenty crunches and twenty-five squats, followed by a brushing of the teeth, shave and concluding with a hot and then ice cold shower. It was only after the completion of the routine that Bond allowed himself to have that blessed first cigarette of the day.
Bond lives in a relatively cosy two bedroom flat, just off King's Road in Chelsea. It was not the only residence of Bonds; He has an apartment situated in Midtown Manhattan, New York that he seldom used and as such, leases it out to an old American girlfriend. His third venture into retail estate is a beautifully located property in Oracabessa, Jamaica. The three-bedroom house is situated on the edge of a cliff and gives a splendid overlook of the golden beaches below. Bond rarely has the chance to stay there, usually only on his three week mandatory vacation. Yet he truly loved the place and it comforted him with the knowledge that he will one day retire there, hopefully with a well-shaped vixen that somehow managed to tame him.
The living-room of his London flat resembles more of a study than one would expect. Books are stacked across the walls in an impressive manner, filled with Bond's favourite authors, Iain Banks, Robert Louis Stevenson, Sebastian Faulks. There was no television set, Bond had confined them to the bedrooms in a positively Victorian manner, and he felt the living-room should be for eating, drinking, smoking, contemplation and reflection. Even his record collection belonged to a different era.
Bond sat down on his recently purchased brown truffle low-back armchair with oak legs at the solid oak coffee table that was the center piece of the room and light his second cigarette of the day, custom made from Morlands of Grovenor Street - a Macedonian blend with three gold rings around the butt, with his battered black oxidized Ronson (Which, along with a Anderson Wheeler 500 NE Double Rifle, was his only inheritance from his father). As he scanned across the headlines of the Daily Express, his darling Scottish housekeeper May, who occupied the spare bedroom, came shuffling through the adjoining kitchen door armed with her patented scrambled eggs* and fresh black coffee.
"Ah now this is a sight to raise spirits in the morning, what ever would I do without you May?"
"Ye widdnae know fit to de with yersel' James" May carefully laid out Bond's breakfast on the coffee table and in a overly-motherly fashion, combed his hair so that a black comma fell towards his right eyebrow.
"I don't know what I'd do without these eggs you mean” smirked Bond. May lovingly scolded him across the ear and scuttled back towards the kitchen.
Before James Bond could devour the mouthwatering morning fuel, his mobile phone, another device he detested, flashed its ominous blue signal which indicted a message direct from headquarters. Begrudgingly, he read it, which simply stated;

URGENT ALL DOUBLE-0 TO REPORT IMMEDIATELY.

*For FOUR individualists:
12 fresh eggs
Salt and pepper
5-6 oz. of fresh butter
Break the eggs into a bowl. Beat thoroughly with a fork and season well. In a small copper (or heavy-bottomed saucepan) melt four oz. of the butter. When melted, pour in the eggs and cook over a very low heat, whisking continuously with a small egg whisk.
While the eggs are slightly more moist than you would wish for eating, remove pan from heat, add rest of butter and continue whisking for half a minute, adding the while finely chopped chives or fines herbs. Serve on hot buttered toast in individual copper dishes (for appearance only) with pink champagne (Taittainger) and low music.

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